Crazyyy Love

Right, so I've decided that liking people is just a load of crap, son. It doesn't matter how much you like someone, they still will probably not like you back. Lame. But its alright. I guess if someone doesnt like you, then they aren't right for you. That is so hard to say sometimes. Yiiikes.
It's just hard to try and find the right person, the right thing when you had something so perfect before to compare everything after to. I know it sounds stupid but I really did have something so perfect before, it just didn't work out. I didn't think I believed in true love or love at first sight until Evan.
I cant say that what we had was anything less than miraculous. When I saw him for the first time in the church.. I knew right then. He didn't even have to introduce himself, I was already his. It was a done deal. Luckily he felt the exact same thing.
Its like..our souls just knew. Does that sound SO stupid? Probably, but thats the only way I can describe it to you.
Sometimes I worry, will I never have that again? What if I gave up the best and most beautiful thing that has ever been in my life? What if I fucked up royally? God, I hope that life won't always feel this lonely. I find it so hard to look at anyone now. There is just no comparison.
For instance, I used to always try to tell Evan 5 things that I loved about him. When I was finished with the 5th one, I always begged him, "Can I have just one more? I know so many more." Those were the days. Now any guy I meet that I even come close to thinking about as being of any interest to me, I can never think of 5 things. Sometimes I cant even muster up 2!
Is that totally sad and pathetic? I think yes. Oy... I give up on men in general. They just leave too much to be desired. Celibacy.. it may be a harsh reality I need to face.